For a long time, autistics have been seen as having communication and social issues. But new research shows it's not that autistic folks have a social deficit - it's that neurodivergent and neurotypical people just communicate differently.

A new study demonstrated this by playing a game of telephone with three groups: one all autistic, one all neurotypical, and one mixed. Both the autistic-only and neurotypical-only groups had no problems retaining the original message. However, the mixed group ended up with a jumbled message. This suggests that misunderstandings arise because of different communication styles, not because autistics and other neurodivergents have social deficits. Other studies have also recognized that neurotypical individuals have just as much difficulty understanding the facial expressions and mental states of autistics, than how much autistics have understanding the same things in neurotypical individuals.

Interestingly, other neurodivergent individuals, like those with ADHD, often find it easier to talk with autistics because their communication styles are very similar. There is no social or communication deficit when neurodivergents communicate with each other!

What are these differences?

Neurotypical communication usually involves asking questions to others, making small talk with acquaintances, saving deep conversations for close friends, and easily understanding the nonverbal cues of other neurotypical people (though they often misunderstand neurodivergent nonverbals, like eye contact and fidgeting as not paying attention). 

Neurodivergent communication, on the other hand, tends to be more direct. For example, they may say, "I'm hungry," instead of asking, "Do you want to go to lunch?". They often share their personal experiences and feelings in conversations to display empathy and understanding, love exploring deep and personal topics, and may fidget or avoid eye contact to stay focused.

What is ‘the double empathy problem’?

This issue is known as the double empathy problem since both groups do not realize they communicate differently. Neurotypical folks often see autistic and other neurodivergent communication as something that needs fixing. In contrast, neurodivergent people struggle to understand and engage in neurotypical communication styles, leading to excessive masking, which is exhausting and dysregulating for them. 

What can we do now that we better understand these differences?

First, we need to acknowledge these differences. Understanding and recognizing that we communicate differently due to different types of brains is the first step. The next step is approaching each other's communication styles with curiosity instead of judgment and asking clarifying questions to help reduce misunderstandings. Finally, we all need to understand our biases and challenge the stereotypes we may have about each other. Together, we can bridge the gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical communication by understanding that there is no one right or wrong way to communicate with each other.

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