Coping With Loss During Covid-19
With the anniversary of the global pandemic approaching, many of us are struggling to accept the New Normal. I have heard several people express their frustration with the prolonged lock-down and closure of establishments. I have also heard several others express profound sadness over the loss of social events, celebratory milestones and quality time with friends and loved ones. Although these emotions are different in their own ways, they are both the result of one thing...grief.
Grief is a tricky thing because it encapsulates a variety of feelings and is processed differently depending on the person. One thing remains the same though...grief can be felt when we have suffered a loss of any kind. This can be the loss of a loved one, the loss of the future we thought we would have, the loss of a job or a relationship, etc. The Covid-19 pandemic has come with several losses (for some, all at once and for others, in waves) and we as collective are suffering from prolonged and compounded grief. It’s hard, it’s heavy, and it’s complicated.
Grief has several stages:
Denial: This is where we refuse to acknowledge or believe the loss has happened. We deny the event, as well as our experience of said event.
Bargaining: This is the stage where we see a lot of existential deals being made. For example, we think to ourselves “if only I changed X thing, then maybe Y thing will come back or wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”
Anger: Here is where we see the frustration come out. We become upset, angry and are unable to deny the event, nor our experience. We become angry at our lack of control over the situation and how unfair things seem. We look for something/someone to blame and project all of the hurt and confusion we are suffering onto the world around us.
Sadness/Depression: This stage is exactly what it sounds like...we feel an overwhelming sadness take over. Our experience of the event is at the forefront and our emotional capacity is maxed out. We miss what was and we may feel hopeless about what is to come. We feel as though nothing will get better, nothing will change, and we may feel our heart ache in ways we did not think were possible.
Acceptance: This stage happens when we have fully processed the event and our experience of it. We reach the conclusion that we cannot change what happened nor do we have control over it. This stage is quite difficult for a lot of people because it is often confused with the belief that “if I accept it then that means I’m saying it was OK”...this is not true. Acceptance does not mean we are OK with what happened, it means we no longer carry the anger or sadness with us every day and accept that we will be OK.
With Covid-19, the feeling of loss is all around us and this can be incredibly difficult to navigate. We may appear to be handling things OK and glide through our daily routines with little visibly emotional turmoil and then suddenly, we hear a radio announcement or see a commercial on T.V and we burst into tears. There are many of us who are struggling with these feelings and find them incredibly confusing. Yes, perhaps what we heard on the radio or saw on T.V did not happen to us directly, but we feel it’s impact just as deeply. We grieve for ourselves, and for others, because Covid-19 does not pick and choose who it has impacted over the past year.
Not only are we grieving the loss of our routines, our sense of normalcy and everything in-between, we are also grieving the loss of our coping strategies. Activities like going to the gym, getting coffee with a friend, and attending family dinners were just some of the subtle ways that we coped with life’s daily stressors. These activities provided opportunities for us to decompress and now that those coping strategies/opportunities are gone, we are left with our proverbial cups 3/4 of the way full. Everything has come to a screeching halt and every day there seems to be something new that we must adapt to, despite not fully grieving the last change that was thrown our way. You are not ‘loosing it’. You are not ‘weak’. You are not ‘over-reacting’. You are grieving…and that is OK. Acknowledge this and allow the feelings to be there…but don’t allow them to move in.
What you’re feeling is valid and yet, the beauty of the human mind is that we can hold two seemingly conflicting beliefs/feelings at the same time. We can feel sad when we think about what we have lost and be grateful/happy for what remains. Doing this does not disqualify or diminish the loss(s)/what was but rather, encourages us to look at the complete picture of what is. This takes some time and practice but right now, what the current provincial lockdowns have given us is time…so why not give it a try?
If you, or someone you know, is struggling to cope with loss during the Covid-19 pandemic, or is having a difficult time processing the many changes that have happened over the past year, please do not hesitate to Contact Me. Remember, you are not alone and we are in this together.