How To Support Someone’s Mental Health
Knowing how to support someone’s mental health can be a difficult thing to navigate. We don’t want to say the wrong thing and yet, we don’t know what the right or wrong thing would even be at times. Here are a few ways to best support someone’s mental health, while also being mindful of your own limitations and needs:
1. Listen, Without Judgment.
Listen to understand, rather than listen to respond. When we hear someone is struggling, it’s common to immediately jump into ‘fixing’ mode and offer solutions to make him or her feel better. However, when we do this we miss the message completely. More often than not, a person just wants to be heard. They want to feel like what they are sharing is important and matters, especially in moments where they are feeling alone. It is OK that you may not be feeling the same way as them, but truly listening to what they are telling you, without any judgment or opinion, can go a long way.
2. Open-Ended Questions.
Supporting someone in his or her mental health means keeping an open-mind and in turn, an open line of communication. Close-ended questions, which essentially are any questions that have a Yes or No answer, can often cut a conversation short and leave little room for exploration. Open-ended questions are the complete opposite. They are questions that allow for a more detailed response and cannot be answered with a simple Yes or a No. For example: when a loved one tells you that they cannot stop crying, you can ask:
The close-ended question stops with a Yes or No. There is no further explanation of this feeling, nor is there the opportunity to hear how it may be impacting their day-to-day lives. Alternatively, if they are not feeling sad or depressed, asking this question may leave them wondering if how they are actually feeling is wrong/not normal.
The open-ended question allows for the person to elaborate on their feelings and share their individual experiences. Further, it grants autonomy and an opportunity for them to identify their own emotions without us assuming the one we feel best ‘fits’ the situation.
3. Do Not Second-Guess Or Try To Explain-Away Their Feelings.
Offering a safe space to listen and provide support is vastly different than trying to diagnose or explain why they are may be feeling a particular way. Try your best to not assume what a person is feeling, or jump in too quickly with your own advice/opinions of the situation. Emotions are not always logical and therefore, someone may be feeling something simply because that’s the emotion that is present for them at that time. You may not be an expert in mental health, and that is OK. Do your best to not try and ‘diagnose’ what they are going through or ask if they are ‘sure’ of their feelings. This can come across as you attempting to diminish or disqualify what they are struggling with. Acknowledge that what they are sharing with you is their truth and that they are the experts in themselves, not you.
4. Manage Your Own Expectations.
If someone chooses to open up to you, manage your expectations. Do not then expect them to feel comfortable sharing everything with you. Sometimes, people are not ready to share the many layers of their emotions, nor do they particularly know how. They will share what they are ready to, when they are ready to. Perhaps you may ask a particular question that they avoid, or abruptly state they do not want to talk about things anymore. Rather than expect them to continue the conversation, respect that they have reached their emotional capacity and ask if they wish to continue a collaborative conversation about something else entirely.
5. Know What Your Own Limits Are.
As much as we want to be there for our loved ones, sometimes we may not always be the most appropriate person to provide them with the help and support they need. It is important to know your limits and recognize when additional professional help is needed. Have the phone number for your local Crisis Hotline available, as they provide 24/7 supports by trained professionals (listed below). If you feel like they are a danger to themselves, or to the people around them, it is OK to take additional action and call 911. Do your best to stay clam and inform dispatchers that there is a concern for the individual’s safety and wellbeing. They may have some questions regarding personal history, or how you came to be in contact with the individual, and will likely then attend the residence to ensure all occupants are safe. If warranted, they may further assist in transporting the individual to the appropriate mental healthcare facility for assessment and future treatment planning.
· Sudbury & Manitoulin District 24/7 Crisis Hotline: 705-675-4760
· Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
· Canada Suicide Prevention Service: 1-833-456-4566
If you are struggling with your own mental health, or how to best support a loved one with their mental health, please do not hesitate to contact me and we can discuss further.