Is Your Anger Trying to Tell You Something?

Anger gets a bad rap. We often see it as a destructive, fiery emotion that cannot be trusted, an emotion that must be bottled up or extinguished. 

But what if anger wasn’t the enemy? What if, like all emotions, it served a purpose and could even be helpful?

In this article, we explore the purpose of anger, learn why it’s dangerous to bottle it up and discover healthy ways to express it.

Like all emotions, anger serves an important purpose. It’s a signal, a red flag, a messenger that something is wrong. So, what exactly is anger trying to tell us? Usually, that something is unfair or unjust, or that a boundary has been crossed.

As human beings, we have a deeply ingrained sense of fairness, and anger is usually the emotion that lets us know when an injustice has occurred. When we perceive unfairness, like someone cutting us off in traffic or our partners doing less work than us, our amygdala is activated. This part of the brain plays a significant role in processing emotions, and it gets fired up when we perceive unfairness. As a result, our fight-or-flight response is triggered, and our brain and body prepare us to address the situation. The surge of anger that follows is a signal to our conscious mind that something is wrong. It motivates us to take action, restore balance and address the perceived injustice.

So why do we try to hide our feelings of anger? There are a few key reasons.

Outbursts: Many of us have seen or possibly experienced the explosive outbursts, violence, and hurtful words that result from anger. Witnessing these negative consequences can make anger appear inherently bad.

Social Expectations: At times, expressing anger is seen as a social faux pas. The pressure to keep it all bottled up can make anger feel unwelcome and bad.

Miscommunication: Anger doesn’t always wear a clear name tag. Sometimes, a justified frustration can be misread as pure rudeness or hostility. This can lead to misunderstandings and negative interactions, further solidifying the idea that anger is unhelpful.

One important piece to remember is that while anger can sometimes lead to aggression, it does not have to. Unlike anger, aggression is an action, not an emotion. That means if we feel angry, we have the choice to respond with aggression; it also means we have the choice to respond with a different action.

Although it can feel overwhelming and scary to express anger, suppressing it can have several negative effects on our health.

Physical Health:  Chronically suppressed anger can manifest in physical problems like headaches, high blood pressure, and even a weakened immune system.

Mental Health: Unexpressed anger can lead to anxiety, depression, and resentment. It can also contribute to self-destructive behaviours.

Relationships:  Bottled-up anger can make communicating effectively and maintaining healthy relationships difficult. It can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour or sudden outbursts.

Suppressing anger can also take a great deal of our energy. Imagine anger (like any other emotion) as a beach ball underwater. The harder we push it down, the more it fights back. We might expend all our energy holding it submerged. But eventually, with a surge of force, the beach ball bursts free, launching itself into the air. When we fight to keep anger hidden, it uses up our energy and creates tension. The longer we hold on, the more intense the eventual outburst becomes. By acknowledging and expressing anger healthily, we release the pressure in a controlled way, preventing a surprise eruption.

So, how can we express anger healthily? Here are a few strategies to get the ball rolling.

Mindfulness Practice: When anger arises, take a few deep breaths. Notice where you feel the tension in your body. This pause can help you de-escalate and choose a more mindful response.

Identify Your Triggers: What situations or behaviours typically make you angry? Understanding your triggers allows you to prepare a more effective response.

Practice “I” Statements:  Instead of accusatory statements, use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings. For example, “I feel frustrated when you interrupt me”, is more effective than “You’re so inconsiderate!”

Use “Time-Outs”: If you feel overwhelmed by anger, take a break. Step away from the situation and come back when you’ve calmed down.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that anger is a natural human emotion. By embracing anger as a messenger, not a monster, you can build healthier relationships, improve communication, and ultimately, live a more fulfilling life.

If you want to learn more, please do not hesitate to contact us!