The Art of Listening: How to Really Listen, and not just Hear.
Communication is a complex and multi-layered tool that can be used to strengthen relationships, deepen understanding, and share with those around us. Unfortunately, because of its complexity it can also be misinterpreted and misunderstood. This can be for a multitude of reasons, but one is because we are not effectively, nor actively, listening to what is being communicated in that moment.
Active listening is an art and like anything, it takes practice. To get the ball rolling, here are 4 tips that may help you moving forward:
Pay Attention.
This one may sound like a given, however, it is a large factor in why communication breaks down. In a world where we are bombarded with stimuli all the time, taking a moment to pay attention to one thing at a time can be a challenge because it is no longer the norm. When we are checking our phones, answering emails, or daydreaming, we are not tuned in and are more likely to miss key points. We may think we are “still listening, don’t worry”, but we aren’t really…we are just hearing the sound of their voice. This lack of attention also takes place when we are hearing to respond, rather than listening to understand. What I mean by that is, we are so focused on preparing our rebuttal or response, that we are not paying attention to what the other person is saying. Make eye contact, put the distractions away, and tune in to the present moment.
Show that You Are Interested.
This is where we demonstrate that not only are we paying attention to what is being communicated, but we also interested in what is being communicated. How you ask? By using things called Minimal Encouragers. These include subtle behaviors like nodding your head, saying “mhmm”, “OK”, or “yes”. By using minimal encouragers, we are demonstrating that we interested and engaged in what is being communicated and are on the same page as the communicator.
Give Feedback.
This can be tricky but for the most part, providing feedback is not the same as critiquing what is being shared, but by asking genuine questions to deepen the conversation. This can be asking a question such as “what happened next"?” and doing so can go a long way in practicing active listening. Other ways to provide feedback is to share genuine thoughts about what is being communicated. This can be something “wow, that sounds scary” or “it sounds like you’re excited about it”.
Do Not Judge.
Communicating our thoughts, feelings or opinions can be a vulnerable thing to do and part of being an active listener is to not judge what is being shared with us. It is important to maintain an open mind and not impose our judgements, negative opinions, or beliefs on the person.
If you are struggling with active listening, or healthy communication as a whole, please feel free to reach out to us!